♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ na, na, na, na na, na, na, na, na, na na, na, na, na na, na, na, na, na, na ♪ ♪ na, na, na, na na, na, na, na, na, na na, na, na, na, na, na ♪

♪ na, na, na, na na, na, na, na, na, na na, na, na, na na, na, na, na, na, na ♪ ♪ na, na, na, na na, na, na, na, na, na na, na, na, na ♪ ♪ na, na, na, na na, na, na, na, na, na na, na, na, na na, na, na, na, na, na ♪ ♪ na, na, na, na na, na, na, na, na, na na, na, na, na na, na, na, na, na, na ♪ ♪ na, na, na, na na, na, na, na, na, na na, na, na, na ♪ ♪ [ cheers and applause ] thank you, gentlemen. nice job, guys. thank you, gentlemen. good job. great job. i want to thank my guests, christina aguilera, sherri shepherd and, of course, the piano guys. monday night, bryan cranston will be here. we have the emmy man, jimmy fallon, coming up. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ ♪

>> steve: from studio 6b in rockefeller center, the national broadcasting company presents -- tonight's guests are -- and featuring the legendary roots crew. and here he is -- jimmy fallon! [ cheers and applause ] captions paid for by nbc-universal television -- captions by vitac -- www.vitac.com ♪

[ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: thank you very much, everybody. welcome! welcome. [ cheers and applause ] welcome. thank you for being here. welcome to "late night with jimmy fallon," everybody. [ cheers and applause ] we're going to have fun tonight. great people. it's the end of the week. here's what people are talking about, you guys. with the first presidential debate less than a week away, both the obama camp and romney camp are being careful not to overhype their candidates. they're asking voters to lower their expectations and not get too excited. [ light laughter ] or as voters put it, "way ahead of you. way ahead of you, buddy. don't worry about that." [ applause ] "we decided last month. yeah, yeah, yeah. we're good." listen to this. a new report found that taxpayers spent $1 billion supporting the obama family last year. yeah, when mitt romney heard that, he was shocked. he was like, "you guys were living off only a billion dollars?" [ laughter ] "this is a problem with --

how do you do that?" [ laughter ] "you only have two rolls-royces? you've got to be kidding." you guys hear about this? mahmoud ahmadinejad's entourage stopped at costco while they were in new york city this week. that must've been rad, yeah. [ laughter ] him walking around going -- [ in middle eastern accent ] >> "who needs all these paper towels? i mean, what are you going to do with all these?" [ laughter ] "even brawny wouldn't wipe his own go-gurt? that is -- 20% of go-gurt? you got to have all those out." [ laughter ] "i don't need boysenberry, bro. but that's good. you put it in the freezer." >> steve: yeah, freeze it up. >> jimmy: --that frozen go-gurt." >> steve: "everybody have go-gurt to go. i've got to go, go, go-gurt." [ laughter ] >> jimmy: hey, check this out, you guys. a new study found that kids drink 7 trillion calories worth of sugar every year. [ laughter ] or as honey boo boo calls that, breakfast. [ laughter and applause ] [ in middle eastern accent ] >> steve: "it's go-go juice.

it's go-go juice." >> jimmy: "who drinks this much go-go juice?" >> steve: "oh, honey boo boo does. okay." >> jimmy: "oh, sugar bear does." >> steve: "yeah, sugar bear, honey boo boo." >> jimmy: "i love that guy." >> steve: "and the honey --" >> jimmy: "yeah, pumpkin cool, too." [ light laughter ] this is crazy. a woman in california was arrested for breaking into a family's home after she took a shower and ate their last pop-tart. [ laughter ] but on the bright side, the family got to meet amanda bynes. so, that's -- [ audience ohs ] i mean, she is talented. she's cute. she's -- >> steve: star. sign autographs. >> jimmy: i'd like to meet her. >> steve: yeah, love to. >> jimmy: get this, you guys. facebook is launching a new service that lets users buy teddy bears or cupcakes for their friends. which would be great if anyone was actually friends with their facebook friends. [ light laughter ] "i don't know gary lovenick. whatever." hey, today's national drink beer day, you guys. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ and tomorrow is national coffee

day. [ cheers and applause ] or as urinals call it, armageddon. [ laughter ] it's going to be an awful weekend. this is gonna be an awful weekend, man. >> steve: come on, that's bad news for -- >> jimmy: overworked. overworked. and finally, i just heard that "law and order: svu" is planning an episode inspired by "fifty shades of grey." you'll know when you're watching 'cause every scene will end with this sound -- [ whip cracks ] [ scream ] [ laughter ] we have a great show tonight! give it up for the roots! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: oh, we got a fun show tonight! great crowd. thank you for watching our show. i love it when he stops by. from "law and order: svu," ice-t is here tonight! [ cheers and applause ]

plus, from the new nbc sitcom, "animal practice," justin kirk is stopping by! [ cheers and applause ] talented guy. speaking of talent, we have music from country superstar, hunter hayes! [ cheers and applause ] the ladies love him. >> steve: ladies love him. >> jimmy: he's a good dude. talented guy. he plays, like, every single instrument, that guy. >> steve: yeah. >> jimmy: hunter hayes. super talented, man. i can play, like, barely one. >> steve: almost one. >> jimmy: almost one, yeah. this guy plays drums. kind of like questlove. do you play more than one instrument? [ light laughter ] >> questlove: yeah. no. i don't. >> steve: i play the radio. >> jimmy: wait, you don't? >> questlove: i fiddle around. >> jimmy: do you ever play the fiddle? [ laughter ] >> questlove: yeah. >> jimmy: that is not true. kirk, who plays the most instruments out of the roots? >> it's usually me. >> jimmy: yeah, it's you, right? >> i play tuba, sousaphone, banjo, gutbucket. what's the thing you --

>> jimmy: all right, you guys. we got a great show, you guys. [ laughter and applause ] >> steve: oh, brother. >> jimmy: oh, boy. you can also talk a lot, too. [ laughter ] >> steve: round two. body blow. >> jimmy: hey, guys, today's friday. that's usually when i catch up with some personal stuff. [ cheers and applause ] i check my inbox, i return some e-mails, and of course, i send out thank you notes. so, i'm running a bit behind. [ cheers and applause ] do you guys mind? can i write out some "thank you notes" right now? [ cheers and applause ] that's what i'm talking about. i appreciate it. [ applause ] james tiberius, can you play some -- [ laughter ] do you -- james -- james, can you get some -- "thank you note" -- [ laughter ] james? ♪

oh, thanks, buddy. [ laughter ] >> steve: oh, there he is. >> jimmy: it looks like he's not even playing it. >> steve: that's a robot -- that's robot james! >> jimmy: no, i got him -- i got him from madame tussauds. i got him -- yeah. i got him yesterday. [ laughter ] >> steve: it's from the hall of presidents. [ laughter and applause ] >> jimmy: i was the third president of the united states. >> steve: i'm james mark polk. [ light laughter ] ♪ [ light laughter ] ♪ >> jimmy: thank you, salad fork, dinner fork and dessert forks, or as i call you, forks. [ light laughter ] i don't know the difference, yeah. ♪ thank you, people who accept my friend request on facebook three seconds after i send it, for letting me know that this relationship is already moving way too fast.

[ laughter ] come on, think about it for a little bit at least. >> steve: gotta breathe. ♪ >> jimmy: thank you, jobs, for being day care for adults. [ laughter ] something to do. >> steve: without that, i'd be on the streets. >> jimmy: waste your time, yeah. >> steve: yeah. i'd be buying stuff on amazon, or the zon. >> jimmy: buying stuff off the zon. >> steve: yeah, you know. >> jimmy: go-gurt. [ in middle eastern accent ] >> steve: "go-gurt." >> jimmy: "things like that." >> steve: "you know, get some big gallons of milk, some chicken legs. stuff like that." >> jimmy: "cheech and chong records." [ laughter ] [ jimmy and steve immitating cheech and chong ] >> steve: "dave's not here, man. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: "dave works for amazon, man." >> steve: "go talk to him." >> jimmy: "hey, man, you got some good stuff, man?" >> steve: "hey, man, no. you gotta go to the zon, dude." >> jimmy: "i went down to amazon, man. first of all, it took me, like, a six-hour flight to land in the amazon. there i was --" [ talking over each other ] >> steve: "oh, dude." >> jimmy: "james is my travel agent, man."

[ light laughter ] ♪ [ cheers and applause ] what? >> steve: what?! >> jimmy: what? ♪ thank you, new jersey, for banning smiling in driver's license photos. good luck getting your driver's license in new jersey, jack mcbrayer. [ laughter ] hey, jack. he's a friend of the show. >> steve: "thank you, mr. fallon." [ laughter ] >> jimmy: "that is rude." ♪ thank you, the phrase, "it's all good." but let's be honest, some of it is bad. [ laughter ] >> steve: it's never 100% anything. ♪

>> jimmy: thank you, chess, for showing me that i can be bored and have fun at the same time. very interesting game. very tricky. >> steve: that's why they call it chessboards. [ laughter ] [ audience ohs ] [ applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: what is going -- you're like michael winslow this weekend. it's crazy. ♪ bangkok oriental city the city don't -- ♪ it's a chess reference. just two guys. >> steve: yeah, come on. anybody? no? chess, the musical? come on. i'm sorry. ♪ one night in bangkok and the world's your oyster ♪ ♪ ♪ i can feel the devil walking next to me ♪ ♪ bangkok oriental city and the city don't know what the city is getting ♪ ♪

♪ [ light laughter ] >> jimmy: thank you, drano, for being like cough syrup for my sink. [ laughter ] >> steve: or another kind of syrup. [ light laughter ] ♪ >> jimmy: thank you, woody woodpecker, although i prefer your original name, boner bonepenis. [ laughter ] >> steve: i thought it was peter o'toole. >> jimmy: no, no, no. >> steve: it wasn't? was it wally cox? [ laughter ] >> jimmy: it might have been. ♪ thank you, al gore's new climate change project called the dirty weather report, for sounding less like an al gore initiative and more like an al roker sex tape. [ laughter ] there you go, guys. those are my "thank you notes"! [ cheers and applause ] we'll be right back with

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♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: welcome back, everybody. thank you. hey, news flash. i'm a politics buff. and i can't help but notice there's a lot of squabbling out there among american voters. but also, what a lot of people don't know, is that there's also a lot of squabbling among american -- >> audience: mustaches! >> jimmy: yeah, mustaches. you're right. [ laughter ] i'm talking, of course, about this all-out war of words that's broken out between the mustaches of ron swanson, from the nbc show "parks & recreation" -- [ cheers ]

and yosemite sam. [ laughter ] it is bad. it is so bad, in fact, that they're about to do battle in the ring. the octagon, to be exact. so let's switch on over to our sister station, the steel network. it's channel 8,926.23 on your cable box. and let's get ready for "ultimate mustache fighter!" >> "ultimate mustache fighter" presents -- swanson/sam. here comes hairy boo boo! >> whoa, nelly! >> yeah, yeah! oh, i can feel it! >> this is insane! >> welcome all, to the mustache fighter --. here comes hairy boo boo. i'm brock leonard. with me as always, the professor, barry starr. barry, we got a hot one tonight. >> oh, my gosh. this is the one we've been waiting for. battling it out for sole possession of the umf heavyweight title. it's ron swanson's mustache taking on the ferocious facial hair of cartoon legend

yosemite sam. [ cheers and applause ] >> there's no love lost -- there is no love lost between these two mustaches, barry. this ring is not big enough for these two whiskered warriors. these bushy beasts. these frizzy freaks. these gruesome growths. these hairy hooligans. these barbaric booger brooms. these maniacal mucous mats. these fiendishly follicles. these under the honker snot blockers. these terribly tyrannical tufts of toxically terrifying treacherousness. [ cheers and applause ] >> are you all right? are you all right? >> papa? >> roll the tape! >> mustache. [ whispering ] >> one belt! two mustaches! they can't be shaved! they can't be saved! they can't be taken anywhere! but they're totally on the edge! ♪

[ burps ] [ laughs ] [ cheers and applause ] >> thank you. right there. professor barry, this capacity crowd is on its feet right now. >> this excitement is palpable. brock, let's go to the tale of the tape. >> tale of the tape. >> hard to see a definitive edge there, berry. >> that's pretty evenly matched. now, here! here's an interesting graphic. >> nice. that's pretty interesting. [ knocking ] [ bell rings ] >> people make some noise! we've got world famous ufc referee kevin mulhall in the house! let him hear it! [ cheers and applause ] and here we go! >> oh, here is is. >> the throw-down's about to go down. now approaching the ring, weighing in at 0.001 ounces, with a record of eight wins -- no losses, and five seasons on nbc's hit show "parks & recreation" -- hailing from under the nose of ron swanson, it's ron swanson's

mustache, right there! >> he is, without a doubt, the most masculine mustache in the ufm, brock! >> just being near him makes me feel like less of a man. i got to tell you. here comes his opponent. weighing in at 0.001.25 ounces, with a record of 12 wins, no losses, and 67 years as a member of "the looney tunes." he's big. he's red. he's yosemite sam's mustache, and he'd prefer that you were dead. >> oh, yes! i just bought mud flaps for my truck. and yosemite sam is on there, taking a leak on a dude from the bad boy club. >> there he is right there. he's entered the ring. he don't want to mess with that guy at all. here's in the ring right now. oh, wait -- >> oh, no. no! >> all right, bedlam has already broken out. it's sheer pandemonium in the ring! it's all right. all right. [ bell rings ] hey, order has been restored. [ laughter ] >> i didn't catch that. >> order has been restored. [ laughter ] >> i'm going to take your word for it. >> order has been restored. >> restored! restored. yes. >> let's go to the refs. >> okay, mustaches, ready? fight!

>> here we go! the scruffy scuffle has started right there! >> surely one of the most disgusting displays in all of sports! >> hey, wait a second. >> what? >> what the hell is going on? this can't be. >> no! >> it can't be! >> it is! it's super mario's mustache! >> super mario! >> and he wants a piece of yosemite sam! >> wait. he's coming down right now. super mario is getting in the ring. this is awesome. >> oh! no! >> wait a second. >> wait a minute! >> here comes wilford brimley's mustache! >> no! >> wilford brimley's mustache! >> no! >> it's coming right down, right now. >> this is insane. this is insane. >> i've never seen anything like -- >> it's tv's hottest new crime drama. "detective jam face." >> this crime scene wreaks of foul play. >> thursdays on steel. [ bell rings ] >> i cannot believe -- >> professor berry! >> what happened? let's go to brock. can you hear me? brock? >> yes. well, once again, detective jam fame totally -- [ laughter ] >> what's that? >> i can believe what i just witnessed in the ring with my own two eyes. i'm just so glad everyone else

saw it, too. i will remember this experience for the rest of my life, no matter where i am or what i'm doing. whether it's making tabasco-flavored microbeer in my basement or smoking out woodchuck holes in my neighbor's backyard. i will never forget what i just saw here. the winner and new umf heavyweight champion of the world -- yosemite sam's mustache! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: we'll be right back with ice-t! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ have you ever had déja, deja, déja, deja-vu? the headphone jack is going to be on the bottom. (explosion noise) welcome back! guess the galaxy s3 didn't work out. no, i love the gs3. it's awesome. i'm just saving a spot in line for someone.

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♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: our first guest stars on the hit nbc show, "law and order: svu," which airs on

wednesday nights at 9:00 p.m. ladies and gentlemen, please welcome the one and only ice-t! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: that's what i'm talking about. ice-t, we love it when you come on. >> oh, man, this is one of my favorite things to do, man. >> jimmy: oh, i love you, buddy. congrats. "law and order: svu" just shot its 300th episode. that's what i'm talking about. that's amazing. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> that's big, man. that's big. i mean, i want to make it to 365. you dig? so that it could come on once every day for a whole year. you know what i'm saying? >> jimmy: yeah, yeah, make a whole year of it. >> that would be a good number. >> jimmy: is there ever a time when it's not playing? >> nah. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: i feel like it is on all the time. >> it's on right now somewhere.

>> jimmy: somewhere in the world, it is on. >> yeah, in, like, egypt it's on. denmark, some place. but it's a good look, though, you know what i'm saying? >> jimmy: oh, it's great, man. >> yeah. >> jimmy: no, i get in there with those marathons. >> you know what i'm saying? talk about this. i was in miami and i met this lady. and she said, "ice, i was on the treadmill, and i said that i would get off when 'law and order' went off. and i ran 26 miles." [ laughter ] it was a marathon day. >> jimmy: "i lost 300 pounds!" doing the "svu" diet. >> yeah. >> jimmy: how is coco doing? >> coco's great. >> jimmy: i love coco. [ cheers and applause ] i didn't see her. she's not here today. >> yeah, we're back shooting the third season of "ice loves coco," so -- >> jimmy: congratulations on that. that's always fun. we love that. [ cheers and applause ] >> i mean, things are blowing up. she actually just got a new gig. she got a big gig. she's taking over holly madison's position and peep show in las vegas, so she's going to headline a vegas show. >> jimmy: well, that's a big show. >> yeah, it's a big show. [ cheers and applause ] you better go see it. >> jimmy: coco -- so, she's

taking over. when is it official? >> it starts december. she'll be december, january, february, into march. and let me tell you, it's gonna be way more sexy with coco. trust me. >> jimmy: yeah. but wait. wait. what are you gonna do? are you going crazy? i mean, who's taking care of the dogs? >> she's taking the dogs, man. she's leaving with the children, man. that's cold, right? >> jimmy: that is ice cold. >> that's cold, man. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: that is ice cold. >> now, when she got the gig -- >> jimmy: maximus and spart -- no. spartacus? >> yeah, spartacus and maximus. maximus is spartacus' son. he's out of his mind. he thinks he's a pit bull. >> jimmy: he's lost his mind. >> he's lost his mind. he will take a crap on the red carpet. [ laughter ] yeah. >> jimmy: he doesn't care, yeah. he sleeps on his back, this dog. >> look at how this dog sleeps. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: come on. that's pretty cute. i'd never seen a dog sleep on his back. >> me neither. this dog is crazy. like, i mean, it's spartacus' son. he's bigger than spartacus. but he's just wild. i don't know what to expect out of that dude. >> jimmy: no, and then -- but you teach him tricks. you have a thing where you can make him give you kisses? >> well, what happens is when me and coco would kiss, spartacus would barge in, you know?

he hears us going, muah, muah, muah muah, muah, whatever. then, he would barge in. so, maximus watched him, and now, he does it. he'll just -- yeah, you got a picture of that, too, probably. look. man. >> jimmy: yeah, you were not happy about that. [ laughter ] he jumped on in there, too. you gave him a little muah, muah, muah, muah, muah. >> yeah, yeah, these dogs are crazy. i love dogs. they're more loyal than people, man. >> jimmy: i just got -- yeah, i just got a puppy myself. >> what kind? >> jimmy: it is a golden retriever. >> oh, those are beautiful dogs. >> jimmy: he is. cute, cute dog. her name is gary. [ laughter ] and -- she's cute. >> whoa, whoa. pause. >> jimmy: she has -- she has paws. [ laughter ] she has paws. >> no. i mean, yes. the dog -- you got a boy dog -- a girl dog named gary? >> jimmy: yeah. >> well, i'm a guy named tracy, so i guess -- >> jimmy: yeah, yeah -- [ light laughter ] but you know what? i freaked out 'cause she's a puppy-puppy. >> okay. >> jimmy: do you feed them, like, certain puppy food? kibbles, or anything? >> i mean, you know, you got to get the correct food for the dog because they have special

vitamins that they use. i mean, spartacus will only eat, like, table food. he's spoiled. and coco has to feed him by hand. this dude is crazy. i'm telling you, my dogs are crazy. when we leave to go to a restaurant, our dog be like, "go make sure you order that steak." you know? [ laughter ] yeah, they look at you, like, "where you going? that's right. no chinese food tonight, please." [ laughter ] >> jimmy: yeah, i want a doggy bag. yeah, yeah, yeah. >> absolutely. >> jimmy: it's all special stuff. they have so many special things for dogs. it's insane. now that i have a dog, i'm like -- they have, like, tempur-pedic beds. i enrolled my dog in a school. and he's only going to get in ten years from now. [ laughter ] i'm already paying -- no. no, but i mean, just everything. people are just doing everything with their dogs. it's kind of insane. >> i love dogs. >> jimmy: do you dress them up for halloween? >> coco does all that. coco does -- coco dresses the dogs up. i just sit back and watch her do it. my dog -- spartacus -- @cutespartacus on twitter, he has over 40,000 followers. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: that's more than me. [ laughter ] i'm on tv every night. >> like squirrels and all kinds

of stuff. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: squirrels retweeting him and stuff? last time you were on here, you were promoting your directorial debut for "the art of rap." >> yes, sir. >> jimmy: i got to say, this is phenomenal. if you have not seen this -- now, it's on -- it's on itunes now. >> yeah. >> jimmy: and you can download it. but i kinda want to watch it again 'cause there's so much stuff to take in. >> it's crazy. it's crazy. that being my first movie and having it so well-received, now people are give me offers. 'cause next thing i want to do is, you know, a basic, what do you call it? not documentary. a feature. >> jimmy: oh, yeah. you want to do an actual -- a movie-movie. >> yeah, i want to do movie-movies. you know what i'm saying? so, people are sending me all these scripts and -- >> jimmy: what would ice-t -- what would you direct? >> it would either something very ice-t-like, something like "savages," or something very not ice-t, like something for the kids. some claymation. i'd like to bring claymation back. [ laughter ] yeah. >> jimmy: is there any way you could do, like, a "grindhouse" and make it like a claymation "savages"? [ laughter ] >> i don't know.

i mean, even if it was kids, it would have the ice flavor and stuff. but, you know, i -- it's either one or the other. >> jimmy: like, what claymation do you like? i love claymation. >> i mean, i don't know. >> jimmy: like "rudolph"? >> there's an old movie -- no, they had a movie called "mad monster party" back in the day. ♪ mad monster party it was claymation. y'all don't know nothing, do you? [ laughter ] >> jimmy: "mad monster party," you got to google it. >> dope. it was dope. i mean, or either did you used to watch "lancelot link: secret chimp" where the monkeys would talk? >> jimmy: i did. >> you know -- >> jimmy: yeah, yeah, yeah. >> "lancelot! lancelot!" [ laughter ] "the ambassador's getting away with the --" >> jimmy: yeah, and then, wear hats and stuff like that. yeah, yeah, yeah. >> yeah, that was dope, too. google that, too. [ laughter ] "lancelot link." >> jimmy: welcome back to "google that" with ice-t. >> google that. >> jimmy: yeah, google that. i got some -- i got a thing i want to do if you don't mind. it's a new thing called "sound off." >> let's do it, man. whatever, baby. i'm here. >> jimmy: i love it. i love it. you're always game. [ cheers and applause ] i'm gonna show you a picture, tell you a title. i just want you to just sound off the way ice-t would do it. >> all right, don't get me in

trouble, though. >> jimmy: no, no, no. i don't think i will. >> where the picture? >> jimmy: ready? snoop dogg is now snoop lion. he's a reggae dude. >> yeah, i mean, i know snoop. snoop's a friend of mine. he'll probably stay reggae till the weed wears off. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: so, right now he's just in a phase. >> yeah, you know, you go to jamaica, you come back rasta. you know, they hit you with so much weed, you just be like, "man, i'm down for life." >> jimmy: okay, good. all right, good. what do you think of this guy? "gangnam style." this guy, psy. [ light laughter ] [ scattered cheers ] >> the hell you cheering about? this dude -- [ laughter ] i mean, you know what? people turned me on to this dude. this guy, like, does some stupid dance. it's 300 million views. >> jimmy: on youtube. giant. >> that's why i got out of the music business, you know what i'm saying? [ laughter ] that's why i'm in acting right now. >> jimmy: yeah, 'cause you can't compete with this dude, yeah. >> come on, how much -- what the hell? >> jimmy: oh, i know. [ laughter ] what do you think of this one? honey boo boo. >> i love honey boo boo child.

>> jimmy: you love honey boo boo child? >> i think honey boo boo child -- i didn't like "toddlers & tiaras" 'cause i thought that was like child abuse, right? so, i'm watching it -- [ laughter ] i'm watching it -- >> jimmy: it is a little weird. >> i was like, "okay, honey boo boo child." but then, i watched it. i think that's the most real reality show on television. they don't care. they don't care. [ applause ] i like -- i like sugar bear. i like -- i like -- i like glitzy the pig. [ laughter ] pumpkin. >> jimmy: pumpkin's my girl. >> they do not care. they're just so gangster with it. they, like -- mom's just, like -- mom's be sneezing -- [ laughter ] and it's just, like, bananas. and honey boo boo child is smart. i mean, she say, "you better redneckognize." you know what i'm saying? [ laughter ] i mean, white people probably don't like it. they like, "it's showing us in a bad light." you know what? there's crazy white people in the ghetto, too. [ laughter ] and enjoy it and have fun with it. they not -- they just being themselves. and first you would think it's wrong, but all of their friends are just like 'em. [ laughter ] so, they -- so they live around people like that. they play in the mud and

everything. i love 'em. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: ice-t and honey boo boo child. >> honey boo boo child's dope. >> jimmy: ice, every time you come on, you're always classy. you're always generous. i love you every time. but today, you're almost going to be like oprah a little bit. >> yeah, i'mma do some oprah right quick. you know what i'm saying? to honor my film, you know, "the art of rap," which is in stores right now, i'm giving everybody in the audience tonight -- [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: that's my man, ice-t! "law and order: svu" airs wednesdays at 9:00 p.m. on nbc, and "the art of rap" is in stores now! justin kirk joins us next. there he right now in the bud light platinum suite! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ ♪ i'd do anything for you, dear ♪

♪ anything, yes, i'd do anything ♪ ♪ anything for you ♪

whoa!!!! yeah!!! [ smooching ] [ growling ] ♪ so you're going to give me all that for this last diet mountain dew? yeah, i just love the taste of diet dew. nah, i'm good. [ male announcer ] diet mountain dew. yeah, it tastes that good. what about an island? [ hero ] nope. blank check? [ hero ] nah. but i'm mark cuban. [ male announcer ] red lobster's endless shrimp is back... but only for a limited time! try as much as you like, any way you like! like parmesan crusted shrimp just $14.99. i'm ryan isabell and i sea food differently.

just $14.99. i don't know what shape that is .. but it's not round.. so why would headphones be round? they should be shaped like this.. 'earshaped'. you know .. so they fit in your ears.

♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: our next guest is an emmy and golden globe nominated actor who just wrapped a great run on the hit showtime series "weeds." and is now starring in the new nbc comedy "animal practice," which airs wednesday nights at 8:00 p.m. right here on nbc. please welcome to the show justin kirk! ♪ [ cheers and applause ]

>> jimmy: justin kirk. that's what i'm talking about. justin kirk in the house. >> beautiful. >> jimmy: exciting. we love you. this is exciting. >> holy crap. i'm glad to be here. >> jimmy: congrats and everything. "animal practice," wednesday nights, nbc. >> we're holding down the family hour, you and i. >> jimmy: yeah, we are. >> you got the babies and i have the monkeys. >> jimmy: yes. i'm producing a show about guys and kids, guys with little babies. >> right, yeah. >> jimmy: and you have a show about a -- >> i'm actually on set. you just, like, send notes -- "more babies." things like that. >> jimmy: not really. i don't even pay attention. i just watch "animal practice," which is the best. >> i appreciate it. >> jimmy: yeah. explain, though, what this is. it's a very entertaining, very funny show. i know the guys behind it. >> yeah, takes place in a veterinary hospital. >> jimmy: yeah. >> and hilarity extensively ensues. >> jimmy: and you're a doctor. and it's set in new york city. >> yeah, a grumpy one. >> jimmy: a grumpy -- you are a grumpy doctor. >> i'm a misanthropic veterinarian. likes animals. doesn't like people.

[ light laughter ] see, already. >> jimmy: that's what it is. yeah, they love it. but, i mean, i got to say -- this person is just everywhere. >> that's my co-star. >> jimmy: yeah. look at this thing. [ audience aws ] >> you know how -- you know how, in the pilot of "happy days," ron howard thought that he was the star and then fonzie was like this recurring character? [ laughter ] >> jimmy: well, meet fonzie, everybody. crystal, the monkey. >> the truth is, actually, i'm happy to serve her. she's the marlon brando of monkeys. >> jimmy: that is right? [ light laughter ] >> yes, she is. >> jimmy: there she there, enjoying the new "variety." [ audience aws ] >> she reads the trades. >> jimmy: she reads the trades. >> she's got to see how her numbers were. >> jimmy: she is very funny, i will say. >> she's phenomenal. she is, without hyperbole, the greatest animal actor that's ever been. >> jimmy: did you -- >> matter of fact, i'm not being very serious. very serious. [ light laughter ] >> jimmy: yeah. did you ever think that you'd be acting opposite a monkey? >> i had hoped. [ laughter ]

>> jimmy: yes, one does. one does hope. >> no, that's the great thing about being an actor. you don't know what special little thing the next job -- i never, in a million years, thought i'd have a monkey sidekick. i saw one thing the monkey did and it was the funniest thing. he was throwing -- >> not feces. >> jimmy: no, no, no. >> no, no, no. >> jimmy: he was throwing, like, pill bottles. >> oh, yeah. >> jimmy: and he's whipping -- >> with matt walsh. >> jimmy: yeah, with matt walsh. he's another talented dude. the monkey's throwing pill bottles. and as she's throwing in, i'm like, "oh, that's pretty funny." little monkey's dressed up as like a doctor or something. it's cute. >> yeah. >> jimmy: and throwing these things. tiny, little monkey doctor. >> right. >> jimmy: and then, he goes -- he takes the pill bottle and he goes -- and then, he fakes it. >> that's right. >> jimmy: then, he throws it again. i go, "how do you train the monkey to fake?" [ laughter ] >> she's not getting around. this is a subtle action. >> jimmy: it was one of the funniest things i've ever seen. >> he won't -- >> jimmy: fake throw it because he went like -- >> playing. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: it really made me laugh. >> this is a girl playing -- you tell me another actor on a network show playing the opposite gender. that's how radical we are at "animal practice." [ laughter ] >> jimmy: there you go. absolutely. that is amazing.

we have a clip of the show. and this will show you how great justin kirk is in "animal practice." here you go, you guys. ♪ >> the bird just kept flying into the window, over and over again, until he -- it was so upsetting. what are we supposed to do? >> you need to get out of the bird's flight path. i recommend you tear down your house. >> or you could use these stickers on your windows and the birds will steer clear. >> seems like a lot of work for some idiot birds. >> birds have been around 150 million years. we're at 200,000. i don't see us going the distance. in an evolutionary cage match, i'll take birds every time. >> oh! >> come on! [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: he loves animals. he hates people. >> that's bobby lee. >> jimmy: bobby lee, a very funny -- >> one of the great physical comedians. >> jimmy: not only did he bang into his house, then he burned himself with the coffee. [ laughter ] hey, it's national beer day. [ cheers and applause ] so i was wondering if you'd like to play a game involving cold beer.

do you mind? >> i don't have a choice. let's do it. >> jimmy: just say yes. justin kirk and i are playing a fun drinking game after the break. stick around, everybody. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> steve: coming up next week. liam neeson, martin short, daniel craig. and music from morrissey. mr. parker! sir... excuse me, excuse me... can i get you to sign off on the johnson case... ♪ we built this city! don't let food hang around. ♪ on rock & roll! [ orbit trumpet plays ] clean it up with orbit!

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♪ [ cheers and applause ]

jimmy: hey, everybody. we are back with justin kirk, the star of "animal practice," which airs 8:00 p.m. wednesdays right here on nbc. what's up, my man? [ light laughter ] >> yeah. did you ever go to a club called the vault in the '90s? >> jimmy: justin and i are about to try "the long pour." >> you -- you -- >> jimmy: the object of this game is for each of us to pour those three beers, one at a time, into a beer mug. then, pour the beer mug into these cylinders here in the middle table. the trick is, we do have to do it with this broomstick holding our arms out straight. once all three beers have been poured, whichever one of us has the most beer -- not foam, beer. -- in their cylinder is the winner. justin, are you ready to get into this? >> i begged your producer to play "password." >> jimmy: here we go. [ laughter ] ready? [ cheers and applause ] ready? set. go!

[ cheers ] [ laughter ] ♪ [ cheers ] ♪ >> all right. take it slow. ♪ [ cheers ] ♪ [ laughter ] ♪ [ cheers ] ♪

>> whoa. [ laughter ] ♪ >> yeah. >> jimmy: that's what i'm talking about, right there, you guys. ♪ [ cheers and applause ] our thanks to the great justin kirk. please watch "animal practice" wednesdays at 8:00 p.m. here on nbc. hunter hayes performs next. stick around! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ hqhqhqhqhqhqhqhqhqhqhqhqhqhqhqq

♪ [ cheers and applause ]

>> jimmy: our next guest is here tonight to perform his new single, "wanted," which recently hit number one on billboard's country chart. please welcome back to the show hunter hayes! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ ♪ you know i'd fall apart without you i don't know how you do what you do ♪ ♪ 'cause everything that don't make sense about me makes sense when i'm with you ♪ ♪ like everything that's green girl i need you but it's more than one and one makes two ♪

♪ put aside the math and the logic of it you gotta know you're wanted too ♪ ♪ 'cause i wanna wrap you up wanna kiss your lips i wanna make you feel wanted ♪ ♪ and i wanna call you mine wanna hold your hand forever never let you forget it ♪ ♪ baby i just wanna make you feel wanted ♪ ♪ ♪ anyone can tell you you're pretty you get that all the time

i know you do ♪ ♪ but your beauty's deeper than the makeup and i wanna show you what i see tonight ♪ ♪ when i wrap you up when i kiss your lips i wanna make you feel wanted ♪ ♪ and i wanna call you mine wanna hold your hand forever never let you forget it ♪ ♪ 'cause baby i just wanna make you feel wanted ♪ ♪ as good as you make me feel i wanna make you feel better ♪ ♪ better than your fairy tales and better than your best dreams ♪

♪ you're more than everything i need you're all i ever wanted and all i ever wanted ♪ ♪ and i just wanna wrap you up wanna kiss your lips ♪ ♪ i wanna make you feel wanted ♪ ♪ and i wanna call you mine wanna hold your hand forever never let you forget it ♪ ♪ baby i just wanna make you feel wanted and baby i wanna make you feel wanted ♪